Perhaps
by Floaging
Summary: Perhaps is beginning to take over your life. One - shot. Slight JP/LE.


**Perhaps**

By Floating

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, its Production Company, Affiliates, and/or Sponsors. Everything is fictional and any similarities between the characters and any living person are unintentional.

Summary: Perhaps is beginning to take over your life. One - shot. Slight JP/LE.

Genre: Friendship

Rating: K

A/N: This story is set in the Marauder's sixth year, before Snape finds out about Remus's secret.

You wonder if there is perhaps another boy like you, with black hair and blue eyes, watching a girl like her, twist and dance in the wind, green eyes flashing, red hair floating. Perhaps his is kind where yours is cruel. Perhaps they are in love, or he is in denial of his feelings. Whatever it is, you know their story is different to yours. When she twirls and a laugh escapes into the wind, it hits you, leaving you breathless as you greedily take in her every movement. Occasionally she'll see you, sitting beneath this tree, and send you a look of disgust, which is agony to you, sending waves of pain through you. The others can surely not know the torture you feel as they sit around you.

Perhaps Remus does. The look of sympathy he sends you, suggests he does, but he is soon distracted and you do not have the heart to ask. Peter says something, which you do not take in, but his words cause you to look. Perhaps Peter would have been better off in another house – Hufflepuff or the like – and would have been able to blossom under the care of other friends. You are not denying that he has accomplished great things with you, things you are all proud of – after all, he is an animagus, has been one since 15 – but without you, perhaps he would have been able to become something other than a worshipper. You enjoy the attention but sometimes you feel sad for what the shy little boy you took under your wing has become.

Sirius, without you to distract him, has now taken to tormenting Peter. He is impulsive, compulsive, quick tempered, bitter. But he is loyal and a good friend. Without you, perhaps he would have made no friends, though you doubt it, for while he is bitter, he has a certain charisma that draws you in. You and he are alike in many respects but at times, you cannot understand him because of the darkness that seems to surround him. Sirius does not acknowledge the future, perhaps because of the failure of his past, and so does not think of the consequences of his actions, seeing only the present, the now. It is hard to keep him amused, and so in younger years, you turned to torturing those around you. He does not like Peter, perhaps because he is an easy target, someone who Sirius can vent his frustration and anger upon.

Remus frowns, defends Peter, whose face has twisted into sadness. Your attention changes, focusing once more on him. Perhaps, without you, Remus would have left long before, perhaps died if his transformations became too much for him. You do not know. He is smart, but has trouble believing that those around him can be accepting, perhaps due to past experiences. You are untroubled by his condition, but can understand his fear. People who can be biased to those who have different blood to their own, could surely turn on a half blood who they believe would pose a threat. You worry about him, about the moments where Sirius will become too boisterous, too confident in himself and slip – not enough to alert, but enough to cause Remus to freeze, if only for a second.

There is one thing you are certain of, here, at this moment. Without you, they would not have become friends. You are the one who took pity on Peter, the poor boy who was lost and alone. You are the one who accepted Sirius after you found out he was a Black. And you were the one to first strike up conversation with Remus. You are friendly, overconfident it is said by some. But you have no reason to fear that people will not like you – you have been told you can do anything, _be_ anything, by your parents and when you were younger, you believed them. These people who surround you, they are all so different. You are most similar to Sirius – cocky, impulsive, a love of pranks – but you can see yourself in Remus, and even in Peter. You sometimes wonder what would have happened if you have been born to different parents. Would you have ended up like Remus or Peter, or even some other person altogether?

You do not enjoy this roundabout way of thinking so you spring up, grabbing your bag and muttering something about homework you have forgotten to do. Remus looks at you in surprise, while Sirius laughs. But they let you go and so you stride off, towards the castle. There's a shout to your left, a ball heading towards you. Startled, you stop it with your foot and look up. _She_ is there, scowling at you, demanding you return it. Perhaps, no, _definitely_, you would have once allowed a cocky grin to grace you face and refused, demanding a date from her in return. But you are tired, perhaps from today, or perhaps from the refusals, the insults that are all you ever get from her. You realize that something within this so called "relationship" has changed, and you no longer want to be the person she believes you to be. So you kick the ball to her and walk on without a word.

But before you leave, you allow yourself to look out of the corner of your eye. And you see the look of surprise on her face, and then, just as you are about to look away, a hint of a smile. And you smile at nothing, because in that moment, you have become _better_ than what you were before. Now you know, there is no room for perhaps, and there is only the here and now. What is the point in wasting time, thinking of what could have been? Because now, you have hope, and so you throw away the perhaps and continue on your way, intending to make something of the life you have now.


End file.
